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The Secret of Life
Harris Interactive recently polled 1,215 full and part-time workers and asked an interesting question: “If your job were a living, breathing person, would you marry it?” The results were quite telling:
Only 9% of respondents said “yes.”
34% agreed they liked their job enough to “date it seriously.”
43% stated they’d “date it casually.”
9% said the relationship “won’t last long.”
5% said they “want to break up immediately.”
This doesn’t exactly scream job satisfaction; and there’s little wonder why. The average annual salary of full-time employees in the United States is $30,000 and nearly 87% of college graduates don’t work in their field of study within five years. Couple this disconnect with ill-suited career choices and an average student loan debt of $20,000 and it becomes apparent something’s amiss.
Jim Rohn, the author and motivational speaker largely credited with launching the careers of Tony Robbins, Mark Victor Hansen, and others gurus said, “A formal education will make you a living. A self-education will make you a fortune.”
Far too many people end up as wage slaves, stuck in the vicious cycle of needing to work in jobs they loathe to pay off debt related to education they don’t use. If this applies to you, it may be time to seek viable alternatives and create a career that cultivates satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment as opposed to having a job that perpetuates your living at the juncture of bankruptcy.
To achieve your ideal career, you must identify and pursue the sweet spot where something you love to do, are good at, and will be paid for all overlap. Like the legs of a tripod, each component is necessary to establish a solid foundation.
For example, if there’s something you love to do and are good at, but hardly anyone will pay you for it, basing a career on this activity or skill inevitably leads straight to the poor house.
Conversely, if there’s something you’re good at and others will pay for it, but you have no love for the activity or skill, you’ll always be operating with one foot out the door.
There is a tremendous difference between being good at something and achieving fulfillment doing it. You could spend 20 years filing stacks of paper in alphabetic, numeric, and subject order while blindfolded and become expert at it. However, this reflects an acquired ability, not something you’re necessarily compelled to do. When societal expectations or financial pressures lead you to continue serving others via performing a skill or service that fails to resonate, you’re living from an inauthentic frame of mind.
The secret to life is finding your personal sweet spot where the concentric circles in the diagram overlap. I call this your WHAT — that is, the ONE thing you were born to do. 
Once you can answer the key question, “What Is My WHAT?,” everything will take on new meaning. You’ll greet each morning with vigor, there won’t be enough hours in the day to accomplish all that you want to, and things that used to worry you no longer will.
To make a real difference in our world, tap the inherent blueprint that exists within and pursue your calling with reckless abandon. Doing so will empower you to not only have an inordinate impact on those who share this lifetime with you, but also on those of lifetimes to come.
Remember, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. The world is waiting for you!
Steve Olsher is America’s Reinvention Expert. A successful entrepreneur who has applied his business acumen and communication skills to a wide range of endeavors, he is the co-star of the ground-breaking film, The Keeper of the Keys with Jack Canfield, John Gray, and Marci Shimoff; Founder of the Reinvention Workshop; Host of Reinvention Radio, Author of USA Book News’ Self-Help Book of The Year, Journey To You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be; and an in-demand media guest who has appeared on ABC TV, FOX TV, and more than 200 radio shows including nationally syndicated programs hosted by Lou Dobbs, Jim Bohannon, and Mancow Muller.
For a free copy of Steve Olsher’s award-winning book, Journey To You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be, which will teach you how to discover your WHAT, please visit www.JourneyToYou.com.
Seconds & Inchesby Steve Olsher January 31st, 2012
A special blog post from David Drizner
My wife, Sheri, and I attended the 2011 International Air Races in Reno Nevada. It had been a lifelong dream of mine to go, and we finally decided that after decades of talking about it, we would make this the year we went.
During the last race of the day on Friday, Sept 16th, one of the planes travelling at approximately 450 mph lost control and crashed into the VIP section of box seats. 10 people were killed, including the pilot, and over 70 were injured, some critically.
Sheri and I were there to witness the crash. We were standing about 300 feet away from the point of impact. What we saw, and what we experienced, in the few seconds before the crash and how it felt in the time afterward, is still hard to sort out, much less convey in a meaningful way. People say that these things seem to happen in “slow motion”, and indeed that was our experience too. However, I don’t think the mind slows down as much as you become hyper-focused and your thoughts are registering with you in 100% clarity, even while they are coming at you incredibly fast.
I say this because I can distinctly remember thinking “he’s too low – he’s going to crash – there’s going to be a fireball – will the RVs we’re standing by shield us from the fireball – there’s the debris – will any reach us – if it does, should we drop or run, etc.” All these thoughts happened in a matter of two or three seconds. The thoughts clearly stated, examined, weighed, and answered, all in my mind. Sheri had a similar experience, except being the more practical one, was already turning to run/leave at the moment of impact.
We clearly heard the crash, and saw the explosion of debris upward and outward. We saw the the on-site emergency vehicles go into action, and saw many people leaving the area in visible shock and disbelief. Men and women crying, people clutching their chests, but mostly there was a surreal sense of hushed melancholy and grief. There was no panic.
When the pilot lost control of his plane he departed from the normal path of the race course and came flying right over our heads. At that moment he immediately pitched upward and began to climb vertically, until he ran out of speed – like a bicyclist trying to make it up a very steep hill. At the top of his climb, the plane simply fell over – rather sloppily – and came straight down in a perfect nose dive. Just before hitting the ground, his nose pitched up a slight bit and he flew forward a little, just missing the main grandstand to hit into the box seats in front.
If you’ve seen any of the posted videos taken from the grandstands, we were standing about 300 feet on the other side of the impact.
After the incident, I took pains to measure, on aerial photos, the exact distance we were from the crash. “Why is that important?” you might ask. Because I needed to know by what margin Sheri and I missed being killed or injured. I know it was 300 feet, but an even more telling statistic is that a plane travelling 450 mph will cover 300 feet in just under 1/2 second. That’s it – half a second. If this sequence of events had started just one measly half-second earlier, he would have come down – if not right on us, then certainly within a fatal radius.
I’ve always had a philosophy of life that speaks to “seconds and inches.” I believe that life is a matter of seconds and inches. Somewhere, there is a veteran who remembers hearing a bullet pass inches from his head to strike the man behind him. Somewhere there’s a soccer mom who remembers the guy running a red light and missing her van full of kids by mere seconds. Life is very fragile, very chaotic, and in most cases completely out of our control. It often is a matter of seconds and inches.
So what did we learn at Reno? Never take any minute, or second of your life for granted. Don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. It’s o.k. to procrastinate some things (like mowing the lawn or balancing your checkbook), but not others – like spending time with your kids when they ask, or with a beer and a good book when the lawn can go just one more day.
Never take the people in your life for granted either, because they have their own appointment with seconds and inches too. And most of all, never forget that everyone you meet is just like you; vulnerable to happenstance, and powerless against their own mortality. It’s what we ALL have in common. Be at least civil to every person you meet.
While going through the 300+ photos I took that Friday, we came upon one showing a man and two boys, with their backs to us, watching a race from earlier in the day. The man was middle aged – the two boys were about 12 years old. The man had dark hair. As for the boys; one was blond, and the other a redhead. There they are – frozen in my camera – enjoying the perfect weather on a perfect day. And then Sheri noticed and pointed it out to me…
Earlier today we saw an interview on TV with a widow of one of the spectators killed in the crash. Her husband had taken their 12 year old son and the boy’s friend to the races. He died while shielding the boys with his own body. They showed his picture; it was of a middle aged man with dark hair. And then they showed a picture of the two boys – both about 12; one a blond and one a redhead…
With our deepest feelings,
David and Sheri
I was honored to be interviewed by TinyBuddha.com, one of the top 10,000 most trafficked web sites in the U.S. Below is the transcript from our discussion.
Steve Olsher – Interview with Tiny Buddha (www.TinyBuddha.com)
#1. What inspired you to write Journey To You?
I wrote Journey To You because of an experience I had with my step-father a number of years ago. He was on his death bed, very sick. The illness that had consumed his body for years had finally taken over and he was in the last days of his life. As I held his hand, I had a vision of my funeral.
Though he could no longer verbally communicate, I believe he was able to connect with me through that physical connection and was showing me my inevitable fate. I could hear the words being spoken graveside: “Here lies Steve Olsher. He dedicated his life to chasing the almighty dollar.” That’s all that was said.
It hit me really hard because I’ve always felt like I was meant and made to do something extraordinary, but just couldn’t quite identify what it was. It was certainly clear to my step-father I was heading down the wrong path.
I faced what I call a YaNo (pronounced YAY-NO) moment. I could choose to go in one of two directions: Either farther away from attaining congruence with who I inherently am; Or, down the path that would allow me to honor my inherent blueprint and make a difference in the world not just on those who share this lifetime with me, but also on those of lifetimes to come.
I chose the latter and began putting pen to paper to share the tips, tools, strategies and shortcuts that had worked well for me in my life with others. Since that moment, I’ve discovered I have a unique gift for helping people become clear as to what they are compelled to do. I call this your WHAT.
Ultimately, the inspiration for writing Journey To You was really about facing that YaNo moment—the fork in the road—with my step-father and understanding I was at a critical cross-roads and needed to move in a powerful direction, either towards my unique self or away from who I inherently am. The result of my efforts led to writing, Journey To You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be and I’m honored to say it was recognized as the Self-Help Book of The Year by USA Book News.
#2. Your book guides people to become who they were “born to be.” Do you mean this to imply we were all born with a specific fate?
Yes I do. I wholeheartedly believe we are each born with an inherent blueprint. Some people do refer to this as fate. That, of course, is up to the individual. It has become evident there is something within our DNA that compels us to do very specific things and, whether or not we honor that inherent blueprint, spells the difference between realizing contentment, satisfaction, fulfillment and happiness, versus meandering through life, being blown around like a windsock and always at the mercy of the whims of others.
#3. Much of your book is about unlocking the greatness within. Do you believe there is a connection between achievement and greatness or can one be great without pursuing professional success?
I do not believe the two are mutually exclusive. It is absolutely possible to achieve a high-degree of success while making an extraordinary income doing what it is you’re compelled to do. That said, it does not have to be that way. In other words, you don’t have to necessarily realize what many would define as ‘greatness’ whereby notoriety and professional ‘success’ is achieved in order to have an inordinate impact on our world.
Mother Teresa is a phenomenal example of this. She absolutely provided comfort, care, and healing to those in need, but was she financially and professionally successful? Certainly not by the common definition. However, I do believe that, from purely a professional standpoint in terms of representing her profession, she was extraordinarily successful.
Again, you should be paid extraordinarily well for whatever it is you do better and/or uniquely different than anyone else and if money is not your bag, then give it away. But let’s be real—we all have financial obligations. Money is a necessity. And, if you can get by with minimal needs and don’t care for the excess cash, then great—support or start your own charity and help those in need.
#4. You’ve written that there is only one thing that prevents someone from living a life of happiness, fulfillment, and purpose. What is that?
It’s called your WHAT. Your WHAT is the one thing you’re compelled to do. So, the question you have to be able to answer is, “What Is Your WHAT?” What is the one thing that differentiates you from the other beings that walk this planet?
Once you can answer that question, amazing things happen. Failing to discover one’s WHAT often prevents them from living a life of happiness, fulfillment, and purpose. Ignoring your WHAT also has the potential for manifesting in negative ways, such as health or emotional issues.
If you take the time to discover your WHAT, I promise you’ll be fired up to jump out of bed every day; there won’t be enough hours in a day to get done what needs to be done; and, things that used to bother you will carry a lot less weight.
#5. You outline a process to help people discover their WHAT—the one vocation we are compelled to pursue. Do you believe that everyone has just one vocation? Or, are there many possibilities that will lead to professional fulfillment?
I do believe there is just one thing we are each absolutely compelled to do. Now, don’t get me wrong. Your skill can be applied in myriad ways. For instance, you could be a phenomenal communicator, therefore sometimes you’re a writer and other times you’re a speaker. Or, maybe your gift is music and you play as well as compose. It’s possible that not only do you play and compose, but you might also teach. After all, teaching leads to being a better player and composer, and also helps generate consistent income. It is certainly not necessary to be stuck within one element of the profession.
And, as you grow, you’ll realize there are other options that complement what it is you’re compelled to do. The important thing is that it all stays within the general framework of the one area of your life that really makes your soul sing. So, sure, there are multiple opportunities to develop professional fulfillment, however, your life and your love for it is going to revolve around one specific area that specifically reflects your WHAT.
#6. Part two of your book is titled “Realize Permanent Positive Change.” Considering that little is certain in life and much is always changing, is it really possible to change anything permanently?
What this section of the book does is teach people how to move beyond the basics of what’s learned in school. Everyone (for the most part) is taught how to read and write and do math, but no one really teaches us how to live. This is a problem. We’re sent off into the world to fend for ourselves and so many are ill-prepared to deal with life’s intricacies.
Part Two introduces the reader to The Seven Life-Altering Principles, also known as The SLAP. The SLAP teaches the reader how to deal with life as it happens and provides powerful strategies that help people avoid becoming the windsock. This is the gist of what realizing permanent positive change is all about.
Ultimately, I want to help people create a more effective way to deal with life and learn to live like a smooth rock and avoid being a crater. The waterfall of life is going to happen with or without you. Therefore, to live with conviction and purpose, it’s important to be a smooth rock and allow everything to wash over you and move downstream as opposed to being a crater where everything just gathers until the next waterfall of life comes in, washes the old issues away, and replaces it with something new.
Realizing permanent positive change is about adjusting your mentality to recognize that you have options and can deal with life in a strategic, powerful way.
#7. You are known as America’s Reinvention Expert. In your experience what have you found are the main reasons people want to reinvent themselves?
People typically seek to reinvent their lives, number one, as a result of circumstance. Either they are fired, divorced, decide life blows, it isn’t what they had in mind, not what they bargained for, etc. Number two, many wake up one morning and say, “There’s got to be something more to this life.” They finally hit the wall and know they want to have a more powerful impact on this world, get paid well for what they’re good at, and may not know exactly what that is or, if they do, are unclear how to bring their gifts to fruition.
It is often about a shift in perspective. Something happens in their life that dramatically alters their state of mind and they choose to move in a different direction.
#8. In this time of economic uncertainty, many people are struggling just to make ends meet. Do you believe anyone can reinvent themselves from right where they stand or do we need to create a sense of financial stability before we can change careers?
Fact is, we all have mouths to feed and bills to pay. I’m not one of those people that’s going to sit there and tell you to “Do what you love and the money will follow.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. Reality is, that’s crap. Run away as fast and as far as you can from someone preaching that message, because immediately pursuing your passion without having the financial wherewithal to carry you only leads to your situation becoming dramatically worse. This is not what we want.
Bottom line, don’t quit your day job. You must be willing to enter the Transition. The Transition involves being clear as to where you are now, where you’re headed, and begin to take baby steps to get there. Think of the transition as a recipe mixture. Right now, 100% of your income is derived from what it is that you don’t want to do and 0% of your income is derived from what you do. Once you take that first step, the recipe mixture starts to shift. So maybe now, its 99.99 parts what you don’t want to do and .01 parts what you do.
As income is derived from what it is that really stirs your soul, you begin to recognize when you can make the full-on shift. For some, it’s when they’re able to generate 50% of their typical income; for others, maybe it’s 60, 70, or 80%; and, still others won’t be able to make the complete transition until they’re at 100% of their typical income being derived from what it is they’re compelled to do. You can try to deny it, but everyone needs financial stability and patience. If you choose to be a brain surgeon, this may mean you’re in a state of transition for 16 years.
#9. Journey To You was honored by USA Book News as the Best Self-Help Book of the Year. Why do you think the book has been so well-received?
I think the book has been so well-received because it provides a no-holds-barred, cut-to-the-chase, non-flowery approach to creating a life you can be proud of and teaches you specifically how to do it. Too many books out there speak in theoretical terms. Life doesn’t happen in theory. It happens right here and right now.
Specific steps are required to reach your destination. Few other books provide a step-by-step guide for identifying specifically what it is you’re compelled to do AND how to bring it to fruition. Journey To You provides the reader with poignant, proprietary exercises that helps them discover their WHAT, create a plan of action for making it happen, and doesn’t insult the reader with flowery, woo-hoo prose. I believe this is why the book resonates so well.
#10. What is the main message you hope readers take from the book?
The main message I hope readers take from the book is that life is organic and constantly evolving. The destination is the road and the journey is the destination. In other words, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Life starts over right now, right now and right now. It literally starts over every single second of every single day. You can choose to hang onto what’s behind you and drag it kicking and screaming into the present, or choose to move towards what’s in front of you. The key is to move in the direction of specific goals and objectives. Everything behind you is irrelevant and has no bearing or place in your life right now.
Wayne Dyer said it best: “Everything that happens in life, no matter how painful, eventually leads us to a place of higher value.” My hope is that Journey To You is far from painful and leads the reader to a place of higher value.
Thank you so much for your time and your attention.
Please feel free to visit www.JourneyToYou.com for an absolutely FREE copy of my award-winning book.
Steve Olsher
Steve Olsher is America’s Reinvention Expert. A successful entrepreneur who has applied his street smarts, business acumen, and communication skills to a wide range of endeavors, he is the Chairman and Co-Founder of Liquor.com; President of Bold Development; co-star of the ground-breaking film, The Keeper of the Keys with Jack Canfield, John Gray, and Marci Shimoff; Author of Internet Prophets: The World’s Leading Experts Reveal How to Profit Online; Founder of the Reinvention Workshop; Host of Reinvention Radio; Author of USA Book News’ Self-Help Book of The Year Journey To You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be; and, an in-demand media guest who has appeared on ABC, FOX TV and more than 200 radio shows including Lou Dobbs, Jim Bohannon, and Mancow. For more information, please visit www.SteveOlsher.com.
Why College Is The Single Worst Investment A Parent Can Make
For decades, we have often heard that the journey to career success requires time-consuming, energy-exhausting, and resource-decimating stops along the pit row known as the secondary education system. While we all want the best for our children, as parents and small business owners (your family is, in virtually every sense of the definition, a small business), it is imperative that we pause to examine the educational myth that permeates society and choose whether or not to perpetuate this mentality.
Yes, college has its place for those who know the EXACT career path they wish to pursue. However, for the mass majority of parents, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when they put their child behind the wheel of a $100,000 car and subsequently crash it.
With rare exception, a person in their late teens or early 20’s is still a child. They have zero idea as to who they are, how they are inherently wired to excel, and what interests they wish to pursue for their career.
If you send your child to college expecting a solid return on your investment, start playing the Lotto. You have a better chance of winning.
It’s imperative we examine the drone-like mentality that pushes ordinarily smart people towards enrolling their child into the four to five year social experiment known as college. With astronomically high tuition costs (not to mention room, board, and living expenses), far too many parents are putting their financial future in harm’s way and making the institutions (or dare I say corporations) rich in the process.
To be clear, secondary education has its benefits. There is a proven correlation between knowledge and income. That said, we can no longer ignore the disturbing facts and objectively explore alternative options towards reaching the same destination.
Consider the following:
1) According to a recent study by Rutgers University, only 53% of students who graduated between 2006 and 2010 are currently working full-time.
Yes, we are in a recession, however, it has become increasingly evident that a college degree does not equate to job security. Further, 50% of those who are employed full-time work in positions where a Bachelor’s degree is not required. Scary.
2) Within 5 years, 87% of college graduates do NOT work in their field of study.
Why? Because 25 is the new 18. As life expectancy rates increase and we complete the transition from an industrialized society to one that is information based, the need to mature (both mentally and physically) slows in relation. Sending a high school student directly to college is a mistake. They’re simply not ready.
College is largely an advanced form of babysitting. Key difference being that, instead of the little angel getting their bottle from mommy, (s)he’s now getting it from the bartender. Is it really a mystery that the result of attending college straight from high school is often that Mom and Dad are broke and junior has a degree in art history with a minor in pre-unemployment?
3) Outdated mindsets continue to drive the educational system.
If you went to college, think back on your own education. When was the last time you used biology, chemistry, algebra, statistics, calculus, or philosophy? Unless you’re an engineer, scientist or teacher, odds are good it’s been awhile.
The average person retains less than 80% of what is learned in 24 hours. The average student loan takes over 13 years to pay off. What’s wrong with this equation?
While there is something to be said for having a broad understanding of our world, students waste 60 – 70% of their time and energy (and your hard-earned cash) on classes they don’t, and won’t ever, use.
The need for ‘General Education’ courses originally stemmed from believing that we must first expose students to multiple subjects so they could then choose which major to pick. (Loud buzzer noise please).
Could this be more backwards? For the student and parent, yes. For the government and institutions that propagate this educational myth, no.
College is a cash cow for the Feds (the spread between the average student loan interest rate and the Feds’ cost of funds hovers around 5 points) and the majority of Division 1 schools are doing just fine thank you.
The average salary of a Division 1 Dean is $253,017. A college graduate? Try $30k… with an average school loan debt of $20,000. Who’s really benefitting here?
So, what alternatives do we have?
1) Send your child off into the world before sending them off to college.
Planning on spending $21,500 this year on tuition (the average cost as of 2010)? Give ‘em $5,000 and a swift kick. Your child will learn significantly more about life, their options, and opportunities being on their own than they ever will being at home or in school. Both are sheltered environments. The world is harsh. Teach them this lesson early.
2) Have them volunteer, join the peace corps, get a job (god forbid), enlist in the military, network. Bottom line – try on a bunch of hats and see what fits.
The time to begin exploring options is when you have zero responsibilities. It never works when the equation is reversed. Encourage your child to soar and cut the rope. As long as they’re holding on to you or the current system, they’ll never attain their desired heights.
3) If, after being out in the world, they become clear on what they’re compelled to do (I call this your WHAT), have them research education alternatives and come to you with a game plan.
There are more options to create an outstanding career than ever before. From trade and vocational schools, to seminars, books on tape, internships, apprentice positions, working your way up through the system, and this new thing called the internet – students no longer need to be strapped to a chair in a classroom in order to gain the knowledge they need to propel their life forward.
And, once they present these options – here’s an idea – have them pay for their education (or at least a solid chunk of the cost). People inherently value what they spend their own money on.
Ultimately, as parents, it is our responsibility to raise adults who contribute positively to our world and prepare them to not only have an inordinate impact on those who share the world with us now, but also those of lifetimes to come. Sure, college in theory makes sense. But it’s not a necessity.
Just ask the employees of Apple, Microsoft, Facebook, Dell, Ford, and so many other companies if they wished their founder had attended, or stayed in, college.
Therefore, we must teach our children how to tap into their inherent blueprint and heed their natural gifts. Then, and only then, will you realize a meaningful return on your investment.
After all, one in every four college graduates still lives with their parents. Odds are good, that’s not the return most parents had in mind…
Steve Olsher is the father of three, co-star of the ground-breaking film, The Keeper of the Keys with Jack Canfield, John Gray, and Marci Shimoff; author of the 2010 Self-Help Book of the Year, Journey To You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be; founder of The Reinvention Workshop; host of Reinvention Radio; Co-Founder and Chairman of San Francisco-based Liquor.com; and, President of Chicago-based real estate development firm, Bold Development. For more information, please visit www.SteveOlsher.com. And, for a no-strings-attached copy of Journey To You, please visit www.JourneyToYou.com
Europeans have long argued that Americans suffer from ‘Collective Historical Amnesia’ when it comes to the legalization of marijuana. When viewed in the context of a comparative analysis to other formerly banned substances, one must question if they’re correct. This is a very interesting read from an ACTUAL doctor, Dr. David Edelberg, regarding the subject… thoughts? http://www.wholehealthchicago.com/4355/%E2%80%9Cmedical%E2%80%9D-marijuana/
When words can’t possibly say more than what has already been said, a new perspective sheds light on the incredible man who affected all of our lives.
Rest in peace my friend…
A Sister’s Eulogy for Steve Jobs
By MONA SIMPSON
I grew up as an only child, with a single mother. Because we were poor and because I knew my father had emigrated from Syria, I imagined he looked like Omar Sharif. I hoped he would be rich and kind and would come into our lives (and our not yet furnished apartment) and help us. Later, after I’d met my father, I tried to believe he’d changed his number and left no forwarding address because he was an idealistic revolutionary, plotting a new world for the Arab people.
Even as a feminist, my whole life I’d been waiting for a man to love, who could love me. For decades, I’d thought that man would be my father. When I was 25, I met that man and he was my brother.
By then, I lived in New York, where I was trying to write my first novel. I had a job at a small magazine in an office the size of a closet, with three other aspiring writers. When one day a lawyer called me — me, the middle-class girl from California who hassled the boss to buy us health insurance — and said his client was rich and famous and was my long-lost brother, the young editors went wild. This was 1985 and we worked at a cutting-edge literary magazine, but I’d fallen into the plot of a Dickens novel and really, we all loved those best. The lawyer refused to tell me my brother’s name and my colleagues started a betting pool. The leading candidate: John Travolta. I secretly hoped for a literary descendant of Henry James — someone more talented than I, someone brilliant without even trying.
When I met Steve, he was a guy my age in jeans, Arab- or Jewish-looking and handsomer than Omar Sharif. We took a long walk — something, it happened, that we both liked to do. I don’t remember much of what we said that first day, only that he felt like someone I’d pick to be a friend. He explained that he worked in computers.
I didn’t know much about computers. I still worked on a manual Olivetti typewriter. I told Steve I’d recently considered my first purchase of a computer: something called the Cromemco. Steve told me it was a good thing I’d waited. He said he was making something that was going to be insanely beautiful.
I want to tell you a few things I learned from Steve, during three distinct periods, over the 27 years I knew him. They’re not periods of years, but of states of being. His full life. His illness. His dying. Steve worked at what he loved. He worked really hard. Every day. That’s incredibly simple, but true.
He was the opposite of absent-minded. He was never embarrassed about working hard, even if the results were failures. If someone as smart as Steve wasn’t ashamed to admit trying, maybe I didn’t have to be.
When he got kicked out of Apple, things were painful. He told me about a dinner at which 500 Silicon Valley leaders met the then-sitting president. Steve hadn’t been invited. He was hurt but he still went to work at Next. Every single day. Novelty was not Steve’s highest value. Beauty was. For an innovator, Steve was remarkably loyal. If he loved a shirt, he’d order 10 or 100 of them. In the Palo Alto house, there are probably enough black cotton turtlenecks for everyone in this church.
He didn’t favor trends or gimmicks. He liked people his own age. His philosophy of aesthetics reminds me of a quote that went something like this: “Fashion is what seems beautiful now but looks ugly later; art can be ugly at first but it becomes beautiful later. Steve always aspired to make beautiful later. He was willing to be misunderstood.
Uninvited to the ball, he drove the third or fourth iteration of his same black sports car to Next, where he and his team were quietly inventing the platform on which Tim Berners-Lee would write the program for the World Wide Web.
Steve was like a girl in the amount of time he spent talking about love. Love was his supreme virtue, his god of gods. He tracked and worried about the romantic lives of the people working with him.
Whenever he saw a man he thought a woman might find dashing, he called out, “Hey are you single? Do you wanna come to dinner with my sister? I remember when he phoned the day he met Laurene. “There’s this beautiful woman and she’s really smart and she has this dog and I’m going to marry her.
When Reed was born, he began gushing and never stopped. He was a physical dad, with each of his children. He fretted over Lisa’s boyfriends and Erin’s travel and skirt lengths and Eve’s safety around the horses she adored.
None of us who attended Reed’s graduation party will ever forget the scene of Reed and Steve slow dancing. His abiding love for Laurene sustained him. He believed that love happened all the time, everywhere. In that most important way, Steve was never ironic, never cynical, never pessimistic. I try to learn from that, still.
Steve had been successful at a young age, and he felt that had isolated him. Most of the choices he made from the time I knew him were designed to dissolve the walls around him. A middle-class boy from Los Altos, he fell in love with a middle-class girl from New Jersey. It was important to both of them to raise Lisa, Reed, Erin and Eve as grounded, normal children. Their house didn’t intimidate with art or polish; in fact, for many of the first years I knew Steve and Lo together, dinner was served on the grass, and sometimes consisted of just one vegetable. Lots of that one vegetable. But one. Broccoli. In season. Simply prepared. With the just the right, recently snipped, herb.
Even as a young millionaire, Steve always picked me up at the airport. He’d be standing there in his jeans.
When a family member called him at work, his secretary Linetta answered, “Your dad’s in a meeting. Would you like me to interrupt him? When Reed insisted on dressing up as a witch every Halloween, Steve, Laurene, Erin and Eve all went wiccan. They once embarked on a kitchen remodel; it took years. They cooked on a hotplate in the garage. The Pixar building, under construction during the same period, finished in half the time. And that was it for the Palo Alto house. The bathrooms stayed old. But — and this was a crucial distinction — it had been a great house to start with; Steve saw to that.
This is not to say that he didn’t enjoy his success: he enjoyed his success a lot, just minus a few zeros. He told me how much he loved going to the Palo Alto bike store and gleefully realizing he could afford to buy the best bike there.
And he did. Steve was humble. Steve liked to keep learning. Once, he told me if he’d grown up differently, he might have become a mathematician. He spoke reverently about colleges and loved walking around the Stanford campus. In the last year of his life, he studied a book of paintings by Mark Rothko, an artist he hadn’t known about before, thinking of what could inspire people on the walls of a future Apple campus.
Steve cultivated whimsy. What other C.E.O. knows the history of English and Chinese tea roses and has a favorite David Austin rose? He had surprises tucked in all his pockets. I’ll venture that Laurene will discover treats — songs he loved, a poem he cut out and put in a drawer — even after 20 years of an exceptionally close marriage. I spoke to him every other day or so, but when I opened The New York Times and saw a feature on the company’s patents, I was still surprised and delighted to see a sketch for a perfect staircase.
With his four children, with his wife, with all of us, Steve had a lot of fun.
He treasured happiness. Then, Steve became ill and we watched his life compress into a smaller circle. Once, he’d loved walking through Paris. He’d discovered a small handmade soba shop in Kyoto. He downhill skied gracefully. He cross-country skied clumsily. No more. Eventually, even ordinary pleasures, like a good peach, no longer appealed to him.
Yet, what amazed me, and what I learned from his illness, was how much was still left after so much had been taken away. I remember my brother learning to walk again, with a chair. After his liver transplant, once a day he would get up on legs that seemed too thin to bear him, arms pitched to the chair back. He’d push that chair down the Memphis hospital corridor towards the nursing station and then he’d sit down on the chair, rest, turn around and walk back again. He counted his steps and, each day, pressed a little farther.
Laurene got down on her knees and looked into his eyes.
“You can do this, Steve,” she said. His eyes widened. His lips pressed into each other. He tried. He always, always tried, and always with love at the core of that effort. He was an intensely emotional man. I realized during that terrifying time that Steve was not enduring the pain for himself. He set destinations: his son Reed’s graduation from high school, his daughter Erin’s trip to Kyoto, the launching of a boat he was building on which he planned to take his family around the world and where he hoped he and Laurene would someday retire.
Even ill, his taste, his discrimination and his judgment held. He went through 67 nurses before finding kindred spirits and then he completely trusted the three who stayed with him to the end. Tracy. Arturo. Elham.
One time when Steve had contracted a tenacious pneumonia his doctor forbid everything — even ice. We were in a standard I.C.U. unit. Steve, who generally disliked cutting in line or dropping his own name, confessed that this once, he’d like to be treated a little specially. I told him: Steve, this is special treatment. He leaned over to me, and said: “I want it to be a little more special.”
Intubated, when he couldn’t talk, he asked for a notepad. He sketched devices to hold an iPad in a hospital bed. He designed new fluid monitors and x-ray equipment. He redrew that not-quite-special-enough hospital unit. And every time his wife walked into the room, I watched his smile remake itself on his face. For the really big, big things, you have to trust me, he wrote on his sketchpad. He looked up. You have to. By that, he meant that we should disobey the doctors and give him a piece of ice.
None of us knows for certain how long we’ll be here. On Steve’s better days, even in the last year, he embarked upon projects and elicited promises from his friends at Apple to finish them. Some boat builders in the Netherlands have a gorgeous stainless steel hull ready to be covered with the finishing wood. His three daughters remain unmarried, his two youngest still girls, and he’d wanted to walk them down the aisle as he’d walked me the day of my wedding.
We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories.
I suppose it’s not quite accurate to call the death of someone who lived with cancer for years unexpected, but Steve’s death was unexpected for us.
What I learned from my brother’s death was that character is essential: What he was, was how he died. Tuesday morning, he called me to ask me to hurry up to Palo Alto. His tone was affectionate, dear, loving, but like someone whose luggage was already strapped onto the vehicle, who was already on the beginning of his journey, even as he was sorry, truly deeply sorry, to be leaving us.
He started his farewell and I stopped him. I said, “Wait. I’m coming. I’m in a taxi to the airport. I’ll be there.”
“I’m telling you now because I’m afraid you won’t make it on time, honey.” When I arrived, he and his Laurene were joking together like partners who’d lived and worked together every day of their lives. He looked into his children’s eyes as if he couldn’t unlock his gaze. Until about 2 in the afternoon, his wife could rouse him, to talk to his friends from Apple.
Then, after awhile, it was clear that he would no longer wake to us. His breathing changed. It became severe, deliberate, purposeful. I could feel him counting his steps again, pushing farther than before. This is what I learned: he was working at this, too. Death didn’t happen to Steve, he achieved it.
He told me, when he was saying goodbye and telling me he was sorry, so sorry we wouldn’t be able to be old together as we’d always planned, that he was going to a better place. Dr. Fischer gave him a 50/50 chance of making it through the night. He made it through the night, Laurene next to him on the bed sometimes jerked up when there was a longer pause between his breaths. She and I looked at each other, then he would heave a deep breath and begin again.
This had to be done. Even now, he had a stern, still handsome profile, the profile of an absolutist, a romantic. His breath indicated an arduous journey, some steep path, altitude. He seemed to be climbing. But with that will, that work ethic, that strength, there was also sweet Steve’s capacity for wonderment, the artist’s belief in the ideal, the still more beautiful later.
Steve’s final words, hours earlier, were monosyllables, repeated three times.
Before embarking, he’d looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life’s partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.
Steve’s final words were:
OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.
Mona Simpson is a novelist and a professor of English at the University of California, Los Angeles. She delivered this eulogy for her brother, Steve Jobs, on Oct. 16 at his memorial service at the Memorial Church of Stanford University.
Have kids? This touching article by a friend will absolutely reinforce the importance of being actively involved in their lives, clarifies how to form a lifelong bond, and the importance of being your child’s #1 fan.
A Special Guest Blog Post From Mark Sherwood.
It pays to be in the game moms and dads.
You see athletes large, small and in between. Some are gifted and know it, so they coast. Others are not and know it, so they work like crazy. A select few are gifted and work like crazy.
There is a place for all of them in youth, junior high and high school sports. There also is a place for their parents… so many places. You find them behind the wheel, in dugouts, on benches, in lawn chairs, at concession stands, in hotel lobbies. They work ahead or work split shifts or work into the wee hours, all in an attempt to be there when the boy or girl they welcomed into the world digs in with the bases loaded or drives to the basket.
Occasionally, they look in the mirror or at the bank statement and wonder, “Is it worth it? Is all of this really worth it?”
Here’s the good news, a bit late for Mother’s Day, a tad late for Father’s Day.
Yes. It is absolutely worth it. The wins and losses fade. Trophies collect dust in an attic. Stat sheets wind up in a recycle bin. None of them matter. You realize it years later. Like the day you wake up and your youngest is graduating from college.
At our house, it is Friday. You hear her talk about a semester-long project that involved building a city – designing the water system, infrastructure, etc. – and the mind drifts to softball diamonds here and in other cities, other states. It was a group project requiring strategy, planning, execution and, more than anything, teamwork. Sports introduced them to all of it. They taught her/him that life isn’t always fair. Line drives get caught. Bloopers fall in. Umpires miss calls. Players drop balls.
Deal with it. Learn from it. Move on. Sports strengthened their resolve, toughened their skin. So when an irate boss openly voices his/her displeasure, they can tell a concerned co-worker: “It’s OK. I’ve had coaches yell at me.”
Doesn’t mean they like it, doesn’t make it right. But they can handle it. Sports prepare them to manage success and disappointment, deal with adversity. Remember that the next time you drive six hours to a sweltering summer tournament, or shiver under a blanket at a spring doubleheader.
It’s worth it. Just be sure to occasionally take a breath, take a step back and take a second to enjoy the moment. It doesn’t last much beyond that.
Games turn to seasons and seasons to years, faster than you can say, “Do you have everything in your bat bag?”
Squeeze what you can from the long rides, the overnight stays. You never get those back. Be a shame to waste them listening to an iPod or dwelling on a loss.
Encourage them to succeed but allow them to fail. They learn from both. Be there either way. It’s all they will remember. Experience the journey with them, not through them. You had your time. This is theirs, no matter how many hours you contribute.
Keep in mind, the key is not whether they make or miss the winning shot, but accept responsibility for taking it. If they can do that, they won’t shy away from much at work, in school, in life. Hold them accountable beyond the court/field. Remind them playing sports is like any privilege. It can be taken away.
Finally, continue to give them love and support, win or lose. Stay in the game. It’s worth it.
“…For the love of the game and the kids who play it”
Mark Sherwood
CHANGE YOUR LIFE OVER LUNCH!
In today’s fast-paced, get it done NOW world, wouldn’t it be nice if you could create the life you really want in roughly the same amount of time it takes to walk to the nearest sandwich shop, order your food, scarf down your pastrami on rye (with Dijon mustard of course) and get back to work?
The answer is yes. Realizing true happiness, fulfillment, and contentment begins with understanding who you are and how you’re wired to excel. Forget living in a cave for six months and hallucinating your way towards visions of your future. You can get the answers you’re looking for in less than hour.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I certainly understand the cave approach can work. But, for the rest of us who live within the constraints of reality, there is an easier way to facilitate this quest.
To create the life you deserve and desire, it is imperative that you heed the inherent blueprint that naturally exists within. And, it is here, in this pre-embedded code that you will discover your WHAT — that is, the ONE thing you were born to do. And, once revealed, everything else (almost magically) falls into place.
Far too many people, however, are content to meander through life and never put their finger on the pulse of what truly fires up their soul. If (in the words of Popeye) you’ve “had all you can stands and you can’t stands no more” and are ready to discover your WHAT, there are six pro-active steps you can immediately take.
Each step requires you to grab a pen and paper and write down your thoughts. Let’s begin:
1) Identify what you absolutely love. Like magnets, we are naturally drawn to certain things and repulsed by others. I want you to take a moment and create a list of your favorite books, movies, internet sites, sports, leisure activities, TV shows, etc that you love.
Now, give some thought to what you find most appealing about your choices. With millions of ways to spend your time, why these?
The key is brutal honesty. In business, people often refer to the 80/20 rule (80% of business comes from 20% of clients). Life is the same way. Your goal is to concentrate on the 20% of your life’s activities that bring you the most joy and pursue these as often as possible.
Now, look for commonalities among what you’re attracted to. One of my favorite quotes from Tony Robbins’ is “success leaves clues.” By taking a look at what piques your interest and feels effortless when you’re engaged in the activity, you’ll begin to find clues for where your soul truly soars.
2) Identify what you loathe. Take inventory and write these down. Your soul doesn’t lie. Trying to force a square peg into a round hole will only result in pain. You know what attracts and what repels you. Now, take a look at your life and see how much time you spend each day pursuing activities that there isn’t enough money in the world for you to do and, yet, begrudgingly you complete the task day in and day out.
I wholeheartedly believe that every minute you engage in an activity your soul abhors, you reduce your life expectancy by an equal amount of time. You must be clear on what you won’t stand for… otherwise, you’ll fall for anything.
Think about OJ Simpson trying on the glove that is ‘obviously’ too small J. Some things fit, some things don’t. It’s when you land on an activity or way of being that is congruent with who you are that everything is as comfortable as a hand in glove. That is, a glove that actually fits….
3) At some point today, give yourself an hour of free time and choose what to do. While this may sound overly simplistic, it’s a lot harder than you think. Don’t immediately sit on the couch and grab the remote or the book you’re halfway through. Really think about what you can do with that hour and give yourself the freedom to choose an activity that brings meaningful emotional rewards.
The key is not to go immediately for what you know. That’s called a routine. And, for most people, routine reflects repetition and is strictly a result of familiarity. Inevitably, familiarity breeds discontent. Look at life as a blank slate and let your heart direct you. Changing your life often requires a new compass. You’ll be amazed at the directions your soul will pursue you if you eliminate preconceived notions and expectations.
4) Identify family members, friends, teachers, coaches, spiritual leaders, etc. you most admire and write down the character traits they display. Think about what it is about these people you find most appealing. Are they brave, fearless, unwavering, or bold? Maybe they’re kind, caring, compassionate, and put others before themselves? Whatever their traits are, write them down.
Now, look at the list of traits you’ve identified. Interestingly, what we admire in others most directly reflects our own natural inclinations and aspirations. Conversely, take a moment and think about people you despise. If you dislike someone because they are cruel, self-centered, or unresponsive – odds are good these are character traits you try hard to avoid.
Machiavelli said, “A prudent person shall always follow in the footsteps of greatness and imitate those who have been outstanding.” And, yes, while imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, replicating the actions and embodying the character traits of those you admire is simply brilliant.
In life, you don’t have to create your own wheel. You simply have to paint it your own color.
5) Look for moments when you accomplished something you put your mind to. Small victories add up to winning the war. And within these victories hide the secrets to understanding where you’re compelled to soar. By examining moments of excellence, you can extrapolate key indicators that define when you’re operating in a manner that’s congruent with who you really are.
From winning awards and completing difficult assignments, to getting the companion of your dreams or hitting the game-winning shot, there were times in your life when you’ve succeeded brilliantly. Conversely, there were other times when you failed miserably. This is not a coincidence.
Your DNA is programmed to excel in a very specific manner. To fight this is an effort in futility. Identifying moments of accomplishment or times when you’ve been proud of yourself will help you develop a clear sense of your personal “sweet spots.”
These moments reflect circumstances when everything aligns perfectly and you’re able to achieve astounding results without expending extraneous energy or overt effort. Take some time to try and identify why you were compelled to succeed.
Was it because of the person you were working with? Someone you were trying to impress? Because you were backed into a corner? Or, maybe because you were engaged in a skill that came as naturally to you as breathing?
Once you can pinpoint the rationale for your ascension, living at The Pinnacle of your existence is not far behind.
6) Compile the information from these five steps and make a list that you can easily refer to. The expression ‘knowledge is power’ has never been more on point than when you’re exploring who you inherently are.
If you begin to immerse yourself in activities you love, surround yourself with people you’ve identified as being of positive influence, and weed out those activities (unless, of course they’re daily chores/responsibilities that take time to eliminate) that do not serve you well, you will inevitably be happier and feel in much greater control of your life.
Ultimately, your WHAT is there for you to discover. This process takes time and there will certainly be moments of hit or miss as you begin down the path of becoming who you were born to be.
The bottom line is that we are each put on this planet to do one amazing thing and it is your responsibility to cultivate the gift which you have been given.
People instinctually want to discover their WHAT, but far too many bury it deep within and make excuses for why we shouldn’t, or aren’t able to, share our unique talent with the world. I encourage you to heed the following mantra: “My WHAT is bigger than my but.” In other words, there isn’t a single excuse that should ever get in your way of pursuing what you are compelled to do.
My hope is that your appetite for pursuing who you were born to be has been awakened.
If you’d like to learn more about specifically discovering your WHAT and creating a step-by-step plan of action for bringing it to fruition, my award-winning book Journey To You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming Who You Were Born to Be is a fantastic resource.
To receive your FREE, No-Strings Attached copy, please visit www.SteveOlsher.com and follow the instructions on the home page. If you’d prefer a hard copy or have an e-reader, such as a Kindle, please visit http://www.amazon.com/Journey-You-Step-Step-Becoming/dp/0984479600/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1305045044&sr=8-1.
And, remember, you’re either leading or dying. Choose to be a leader. The world is waiting for you!
Steve Olsher
Which Major League Baseball Team Are You? Take The Quiz!
Now that Spring is right around the bend, baseball fans across the country are getting ready to enjoy (or endure) a new season. Baseball is a game of attrition. Any team that hopes to capture the championship must make it through 162 games and the playoffs, and end up with significantly more wins than losses.
“Life is no different,” says author Steve Olsher, known as America’s Reinvention Expert. “To succeed, you must stack up more victories than losses, and surround yourself with people who have the ability, desire, and willingness to fully commit to winning that elusive championship ring.”
So, the question is: Which Major League Baseball Team Are You? Grab a piece of paper and a pen, answer Yes or No to the following, and add up the total number of Yes’s and No’s:
1) When the alarm goes off in the morning, do you curse at it and hit the snooze button more than once?
2) Does your life feel annoyingly average? Average house, average car, average love, etc.?
3) Do you often create imaginary stories so your life seems more interesting to others?
4) When watching TV, does “how did this idiot get his own show” come to mind?
5) Are you often pissed off by how much money others make rather than inspired by it?
6) Do you consistently advance in your career, but inevitably reach the point of your own incompetence?
7) Are you able to generate interest in what you’re selling but unable to close enough deals?
Are you concerned that, because your group doesn’t appear to have anyone crazy in it that everyone talks about, it might be you?
9) If the money was the same and you were given the choice to get paid for helping others or watching sexy movies all day, would you choose watching the movies?
10) Is there any doubt in your mind as to What Your WHAT is? That is, the ONE thing you were born to do?
And, here are the results…
If you answered YES to 1 or 2 of these questions, odds are very good that you are performing to the peak of your abilities. Possible team matches = New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox
If you answered YES to 3 or 4 of these questions odds are good that you are doing well in your life, but could be doing better. Possible matches = Los Angeles Dodgers, St. Louis Cardinals
If you answered YES to 5 or 6 of these questions, it is likely that life feels LOOOOOONG to you and you inevitably hit the glass ceiling in virtually every aspect of your life. Possible matches = Atlanta Braves, Texas Rangers, Houston Astros or Washington Nationals
If you answered YES to 7 or more of these questions, odds are very good that you may be hanging with Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen sometime soon or paying a visit to Dr. Drew. Look out!! Possible matches = Chicago Cubs, Milwaukee Brewers, San Diego Padres
So, is it too late to become the Yankees or Red Sox?
Absolutely not. In my next posting, I’ll discuss the hidden meanings of this quiz and reveal:
* The 5 Key Tips for consistently performing like the New York Yankees.
* The 3 Myths that losing teams (and people) buy into that puts them in the September cellar.
* The No. 1 reason Cubs fans are always doomed to disappointment – and how your audience can avoid following in their footsteps.
Until then… go Cubs!
Steve
Want to POP! Your Competitive Advantage?
A Special Blog Post By Sam Horn
“In today’s crowded marketplace, you’re either breaking out or blending in. And blending in is for Cuisinarts, not companies.” – Sam Horn
I’m often asked “how can I, as a business person, better articulate my competitive edge when meeting face-to-face with potential investors, vendors and strategic partners.”
Well, I’m sure you’ve heard of ‘having your ducks in a row.’ Well, if you want to win buy-in to your business – you need to have your ‘W’s’ in a row.
These are the W questions – Who? What? Why? Where? When? – journalists ask to explore and explain why something is interesting or important.
If you’d like to get more clarity on your USP (Unique Selling Proposition); you might want to print out the questions below and brainstorm them with your team at your next staff meeting.
W#1. What are we offering? What is our primary product or service?
W#2. Who is our target audience? Our ideal customer? Our ultimate decision-maker?
W#3. What problem(s) do they have that our business solves? What keeps them up at night? What worries them, frustrates them, confounds them?
W#4. What do our target customers need that no one else is currently offering? What do they want that isn’t available right now?
W#5. What objections or resistance might people to have to our offerings, products and services? Why will they say, “No thanks or choose not to do business with us?”
W#6. What are we doing to address those objections so they’re a non-issue? How are we neutralizing resistance and winning buy-in from skeptics and nay-sayers?
W#7. Who are my competitors and how are we different or better than them? What do they all have in common? How do we zig where they zag? How does our organization do the opposite of the obvious?
W#8. Who are we? What are our strengths, unique abilities and niched expertise? What are our most impressive credentials? What testimonials or proof do we have of our tangible track record? What measurable results have we produced?
When you (and your employees) can answer each of the above “W” questions in 60 seconds, you will know exactly why it’s in your target customers’ best interests to do business with you.
And that, my friends, is a competitive advantage.
Sam Horn – The Intrigue Expert – is the author of POP! and Tongue Fu!®. For more information, please visit www.SamHorn.com.
