The Power of the Pauseby Steve Olsher May 26th, 2010
When faced with adversity—e.g., missing a bus that makes you late for work or having a heated exchange with a friend—how do you normally react?
Do you immediately let the incident take full control of your mind, body, and spirit? Is your day pretty much over from that point forward?
Our reactions are often similar to how we step over a crack in the sidewalk. They happen swiftly, without thought, and with no regard for what we might be stepping into on the other side.
How different would your life be if your first response to an upsetting event was simply a pause—a long, thoughtful
Reclaim The Canyon
pause comparable in size to the Grand Canyon?
It’s within this pause that you can quiet your emotions, gather your thoughts and think rationally about the situation and the best way to respond to it.
Of course, a long pause is not always practical. There are times when an immediate response is vital, like when your child is standing in the way of a speeding car. It’s for these kinds of emergencies that we’re wired to respond in a split second.
For most everyday situations, however, it’s perfectly ok to meaningfully pause while you gather your thoughts. Many of the top communicators, such as Nelson Mandela and Ghandi, are renowned for taking their time to internally consider many sides of an issue before articulating an opinion.
Knowing how long a pause to take, and how to appropriately vary that pause depending on the complexity and scale of the issue involved, is a skill you’ll develop over time. But the first and most important step is to change your reaction from being instantaneous and thoughtless to being the result of meaningful consideration.
Steve Olsher is creator and facilitator of The Reinvention Workshop in Chicago. He is also the author of Journey To You – A Step-by-Step Guide to Reclaiming Your Life and Becoming Who You Were Born To Be and a serial entrepreneur. Steve lives in Chicago with his wife and children. He is available for seminars, keynotes, and consulting. Please visit Steve’s website at www.steveolsher.com or contact him via email at steve@steveolsher.com or phone 773.914.4001.
I have a friend from my past who I worked for for about a year. I know this guy from the perspective of friendship and as a supervisor. His use of pausing always impressed me immensly. He carried himself with a curious sort of non arrogant clout. He wasn’t cocky. He was confident. And when he was ever asked a question or engaged in any conversation, he chose his words very carefully. It was obvious that he was doing this because of the pause. He would look at you keenly when you spoke to him and he would always pause thoughtfully before answering a question. He never came off as if he was searching for the right words to say in a deviant manner. He just thought about what he said briefly before saying anything. It really made me feel heard when I spoke to him. It made trust him more. It also, interestingly enough, caused me to listen to his words with more more intensity. After all, he’d thought things out, when he spoke it was always something worth hearing.